1 Peter 5:10

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast

1 Peter 5:10

I was sitting here this afternoon with my Bible and just thinking about this past year.  Where we started, where we have gone, where we are now.  I prayed that the Lord would lead me to a verse that would speak to me.  This is the one He led me to.  Wow!  What a wonderful word He had for me today.

I was struck by “after you have suffered for a little while…”  I surely don’t feel some days like this journey has been just a little while.  Some days, quite honestly, have felt like a lifetime.  In Job 7:7, we are reminded that “Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath“.  Our lifetime here on earth is so brief compared to the life that is waiting for us in Heaven.    So honestly this suffering that we have endured this past year is truly just a little while.

The next part of the verse is the best.  This suffering for a little while, “will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast”.  Amen to that!  Out of the many  things that this year has taught me, one that stands out is  is that I am way stronger than I ever thought I could be.  It has made me strong, firm, and steadfast!  Would I rather He have taught me this a different way…absolutely!  However, if this is the way that He has chosen, then I am thankful. 

 I am thankful that He loves me enough to make this suffering last just a little while. I am thankful that He has called me to His eternal glory.   I am thankful that He loves me enough to restore me Himself.  I am ever so thankful for God’s grace, which I need every single day =)  I am so thankful for the strength that He has given me and shown me that I have.  I am thankful that I can be firm and steadfast in my faith.  Most of all…

I am thankful for Him!

What are you thankful for today?

Wow, That’s About All I Can Say

We were playing some praise and worship music the other night and the kids were getting on it.  I couldn’t help but turn on the video camera and tape them.  I can honestly say that they get their moves from Ricky =)  Enjoy!!  (Make sure the volume is turned on!)

done

Prayer is Powerful

Prayer is powerful and we are so thankful for all of your prayers.  When we come together to pray, wonderful things take place.

“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”

Matthew 18:19-20

Ricky’s appointment yesterday was great!  The remaining 10% of the tumor seems almost nonexistent.  Dr. Yung was very confident that he will end his chemo with the 12th round in November!  That means only 3 rounds of chemo left!  We were both thrilled because we thought that they were going to encourage him to continue on past the 12 rounds.  However, after reviewing the MRI, Dr. Yung felt no need to continue after that!

Let me explain the tumor part a little more clearly.  After his craniotomy, we found out that there was 10% of the tumor remaining.  After a couple of MRI’s, Dr. Yung wasn’t sure if what he was seeing was remaining tumor or necrosis from radiation.  So, he just made sure that there was no regrowth.  However, the past two MRI’s have shown a steady decrease in size of the little spot that he had been observing.  This last MRI showed such a decrease, that it is pretty much gone!  GONE!!!  How stinking exciting is that?!? 

While we waited two and a half hours for our appointment, ahem, we were really blessed by the people we met in the waiting room.  First, we were listening to two couples discuss their own situations. 

One gentleman was a 7 and a half year survivor of a Grade III Anaplastic Astrocytoma.  That is the same grade tumor as Ricky’s but a different type.  The lady is a  5 year survivor of a Grade IV GBM, which is the worst malignant type of tumor.  Her smile was contagious and her spirit was amazing.  She was talking about the Almighty Healer and how He has been known to just make those tumors disappear. ( I smiled as I typed this knowing that He snatched the remaining portion right up out of Ricky’s head!)

 It was such a blessing to hear her give all the glory to God and just lift Him up in this room full of people who need to hear His name during their trials.  It is hard to sit in the waiting room and look around.  You see all types of people and situations.  Young.  Old.  Female.  Male.   Scars. Wheelchairs.   Worry.  Fear.  Sadness.  But you also see Hope. Faith. Understanding.  Kindness.  Joy.  Love.  However, the start of our wait was blessed by those two couples.

Then, as we were entering our second hour of waiting time, I looked over and saw a young woman sitting at a table working on a puzzle.  I nudged Ricky and told him she looked familiar.  He said she didn’t to him, but I struck up a conversation anyway.  She was  a fiery little thing and her mom was with her.  Then it hit me, I had been on her carepage.  Her mom updates it for her.  I asked and sure enough it was her. 

She is going blind due to a very unruly Grade I tumor.  The doctors are baffled and her mom came with her for a biopsy.  We had such a good time with them.  Another blessing for us that day.  We prayed and continue to pray for her complete healing.  I hope that they leave a message on here so you two can read her story from their standpoint.  They are Christians who believe in the power of prayer as well!

So, the Lord blessed us with a two and a half hour waiting time, ahem, filled with fellowship.  Then He topped it off with a great report of healing and an answer to prayer!  I would say that’s a pretty good day!

Round 9 is over and the countdown is on for the last 3!  Keep praying…

 

One Year Ago…

One year ago…

   I woke up like any other normal day.  I headed out to talk with The Potter’s House about an upcoming  job opportunity and accepted the position.  The new job was going to offer the insurance my family needed since we had just returned home from Taiwan.  I headed back home happy and upbeat…things were good!

One year ago…

   Ricky met me at the door excited about the next step in our lives.  He had started teaching pitching lessons and enjoyed it tremendously.  The first boy he taught had called that morning to schedule an appointment for the next day.  He headed down to the Reds stadium to see all of his friends.  The Astros were in town and Roy was pitching.  He said he would be back in time for me to go the grocery store.

One year ago…

   Ricky returned home and I headed off to the grocery store with my older sister.  We spent a couple of hours getting groceries for both houses.  I dropped her off at home and was then greeted at our  door by Ricky.  He helped me carry in the groceries and put them away.  We snuggled up on the couch to watch  some cartoons.

One year ago…

   The kids were tired but I told them they could finish the show they were watching.  It was 8:20.  Ricky got up and sat down at the table to read his bible.  At 8:30 I turned off the tv and went to kiss Ricky on the cheek.  I peeked over his shoulder to see him reading Genesis and writing the ages of people in the bible.  Weird I thought, but I turned around and took the kids up for a bath.

One year ago…

   I got out jammies and took elastics out of Lily’s hair.  I started running the bathwater and plopped the kids in the tub.  As I leaned back Lily to wash her hair in the running water, I heard “Say his name.”  It took me a second, but I immediately shut off the water and ran to the corner of the stairs.  I shouted down “RICKY” and all I heard was a silent gasp for air.  I yelled to the kids to stay in the tub and leaped over all the stairs in one jump. (Okay, not really, but it felt like it)

One year ago…

   I made it around the corner to see the baseball game on tv and Ricky tensed up in a sitting position on the couch.  His body was jerking and his eyes were rolled back in his head.  His right arm was firmly grasped on his left.  I called 911.

One year ago…

   I thought Ricky was going to die on my living room floor.

One year ago…

   I got him on the floor and on his side.  His breathing was labored and his chest and face were speckled with broken blood vessels.  His body was still tense and his eyes were rolled back in his head.  He started foaming at the mouth.

One year ago…

   My naked kids ran down the stairs to find their daddy laying on the floor with their mommy praying over him.  I was trying to clean all of the dip out of his mouth (he has since quit dipping).  They ran to his left side and held his hand.  He was still seizing, but Lily still thinks to this day that he was intentionally holding her hand.

One year ago…

   I thought Ricky was having a heart attack, not a seizure.  Foolish, I know.  But I was so shaken up!  The 911 operator kept asking me if he was breathing.  He was, but barely.

One year ago…

   The kids and I prayed over Ricky’s jerking non responsive body.  Not knowing if Daddy would ever be with us again.

One year ago…

   Ricky’s body became motionless and he rolled onto his back.  His eyes came forward and there was a complete blank stare.  Everything stopped, even his breathing.

One year ago…

   The 911 operator told me to perform CPR on my husband with my kids at his side.  After two sets of rescue breaths, he was breathing again.  However, it was more labored than before.  But praise God that he was breathing.

One year ago…

   911 told me to go open  the door and get ready for the ambulance.

One year ago…

   The EMT’s told me, “You’ve done your job, now let us do ours.  Please do NOT come back into this room.  You can see him in the ambulance.”  I honestly didn’t know if I would see him again.  I took my naked children out on the back deck to look for help.

One year ago…

   We are in the ambulance headed to the hospital.  Ricky is still unresponsive.  I am praying out loud in the front and wondering why people arent’ moving faster or getting out of our way.  Don’t they know what is going on inside this ambulance roaring down the by pass?  I keep asking if he is responsive, and nothing.

One year ago…

   I asked for the millionth time if he is responsive.  I look back to see him lifting off his oxygen mask.  I ask him if he can hear me and he raises his arm. I praise God that my husband is alive and can respond.

One year ago…

    The doctor at the ER performed a CT scan on Ricky.  He told us that Ricky had an old fracture and he needed to be put on anti seizure medicine.  He tried to send us home.

One year ago…

   I thought that doctor was a nutcase.  I was not taking him home.  He needed a night in the hospital after all that had transpired.  We argued.  I won.  Ricky spent the night.

One year ago…

   I spent the night in a chair in his room.  It was cold.  I was alone.  I had peace knowing that it was just a fracture.  I quick fix with just some medicine.  He was going to be just fine.

One year ago…

   They wheeled him off for his MRI.  I called everyone I could think of to let them  know the good news.  Just a fracture with an easy fix.  They were doing an MRI just to confirm the fracture.

One year ago…

   My world stopped.  The MRI results showed a large tumor.  He needed brain surgery to remove it.  It appeared to be benign, but we would have to wait for pathology results.

One year ago…

   It hit me that we had no insurance. 

One year ago…

   Our amazing friends set up an account to cover all medical expenses and household through Helping Hands Ministries.  Baseball Assistance Team (BAT) also agreed to help us out financially.  Other friends set up an online auction.  Major League Baseball came together and donated so many awesome items for the auction.  God provided for our family in our time in need.  He is good.

One year ago…

   We scheduled a craniotomy for August 22.  Never thought I would be saying that =)

 

I could spend forever writing about the entire year, but I welcome you to look through the archives.  I’ll save that for another post!

 

Today…

   I thought would be a hard day for me.  It is the day that changed our world forever.  It is not a hard day though.  It is a day of celebration.

Today…

   We celebrate that Ricky does not appear to have any remaining tumor in his brain.  The MRI’s continue to be clean and show no regrowth.

Today…

   We celebrate 8 rounds of chemo down with round 9 to start on Monday.  The side effects have been minimal compared to others.

Today…

   We celebrate that although Ricky is fatigued and must nap everyday, he is able to do most activities with our family.  We have been able to go on vacation and go to Kings Island.  We took a mini trip to Louisville for his first bull pen in a year. 

Today…

  I have realized that it is okay to mourn the loss of our old life.  I miss many of the things that we used to be able to do but can’t now that cancer is a factor in our household.  There are days when I wake up praying it has all been a bad dream.  But, it’s not.  And I move on. 

Today…

   We celebrate the new normal in house.  Ricky is able to help out more, which gives me some time by myself.  I can go to the grocery store or run an errand while the kids stay with him.  He is able to get out and go visit his dad or go on a visit with some friends from church.  There were days like this one when it was hard for me to even think about life in a year.  However, we have slowly become our new normal.

Today…

  We celebrate God’s goodness.  He continues to amaze me with all that He has done for our family.  There are have been so many God things that have happened over the past year. 

Today…

   My faith is stronger than it has ever been.  I wrote this last year and it holds true today.  Our future is still unknown.  Ricky’s cancer is still an uncertainty.  We never know what tomorrow will bring.  But I do have faith that whatever happens, it will be in will with the one and only God.  I have faith that He will not put more on me than I can handle. 

Today…

   I am going to spend the day with my family and celebrate today!  We never know what tomorrow may bring, so celebrate today!

 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything

James 1:2-4

In the Middle of Something

So I heard this sermon the other day that really hit hard.  I’m sure most of you know the story about Moses and him leading his people out of Egypt.  They made it to the bank of the Jordan River and sent spies ahead to check out the promise land.  The spies came back with stories of “giants”, but the land flowed with milk and honey.  They were scared and turned back. Not to mention this river that they needed to figure out how to cross. They ended up wandering in the wilderness for 40 years.  Sounds like fun, huh?

Then after 40 years Joshua is going to lead them to the promise land.  He knows that he has the river to cross with all these people.   The river was in his way.  River=problem.  So what does he do?  He sends the presence of the Lord before him and the people.  He sends the Ark of the Covenant before them and lets them know that the waters will part once it enters the river.  How many of us can say that when we are faced with a problem, we send out the Lord’s presence?  What about praying for a problem instead of trying to “fix” it ourselves.  I am so guilty of trying to fix my own problems.  However, God wants us to trust in Him and let him fix them for us.  It might not be quick.  It might not be easy.  But if we trust in Him and give them to Him, he will take care of them.

So this “problem” of a river is before them.  Joshua and the people praised God for what he was about to do.  They had faith that the Lord would solve this problem for them.  Did they moan and complain?  Nope.  Did they sob and ask why?  Nope.  They praised and worshipped for what they knew would happen.  The priests carrying the Ark dipped their feet into the water and it parted.  There they stood on dry land.

Problem solved.  Right?  The people walked across dry land and the priests stayed in the dry part of the river with the ark.  When all had passed, they could have stepped up and out.  The problem was over.  How many of us pray for a problem and are happy when it is solved.  Then we tend to forget about it.  We may whisper a quiet, “Thank you Jesus” and then go on like it never it happened.  Not Joshua.

He then placed twelve stones in the center of the Jordan river as an alter.  He continued to worship and praise God in the midst of this “problem”.  He also ordered that twelve men carry shoulder size boulders out of the river to take to town and build a memorial.  He wanted everyone to see the smooth river rocks as proof of what the Lord had done to get them there. 

This is the part that I like best.  When the priests stepped out of the dry river bed with the Ark, the river returned to normal.  This “problem” was no longer there, it was then a miracle.  How many problems in your life have turned into miracles?  How many times have we looked at what could have been a disaster but turned into something so good?  Do you praise God before, during, and after all of these times?  That is the hard part.  It’s hard to praise Him when things are tough.  It’s hard to praise Him when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But He deserves it!  He can turn your problems into miracles.  The people of Israel stood and looked forward at the Jordan and saw a problem but looked behind them at the Jordan and saw a miracle.  It all depends on which direction you are looking.

I know that through the past 11 months we have had plenty of problems.  Ones that seemed like they would never end.  Ones that we are still in the process of getting through.  Ones that are no longer problems, but miracles.  I have tried so hard to praise Him throughout.  When I heard this story about Joshua, I couldn’t help but relate our own situation.  When we found out about Ricky’s tumor, we were crushed.  However, we used the power of prayer and sent the Lord ahead of our situation.  He helped us find the right surgeon and then the right neuro oncologist.  Even though we were faced with speech problems, radiation, chemotherapy, mood swings, sleepless nights (I could keep on going), we tried to find even small things to be thankful about. 

Were we disappointed when Ricky came out of surgery and couldn’t speak?  Absolutely.  However, we praised God that he had all of his motor skills.  Were we disappointed when the doctor said he could remove 100% of the tumor, but only got 90%?  Yup.  But we praised Him that it was operable because so many are not.  Were we disappointed when the tumor was a very rare Grade III Anaplastic Oligodendroglioma when they thought it was a Grade II benign tumor.  YES!  But we praised Him that it was not a Grade IV Glioblastoma that would have been even worse.  I could keep going on and on, but I think you get the point =)  Praise Him in every situation. 

So, this cancer diagnosis is the river in our lives.  We are 100% positive that God is working a miracle in our lives. We try hard to praise Him even during this difficult time.  God is the same now that He was before the cancer diagnosis.  He deserves the same praise that he did 11 months ago.

 Remember that on the other side of every problem is a miracle.

Uphill, Downhill, and Flat Road

Soooo….I signed up to do the Frog Jog 5K for our YMCA.  I have been spinning, but not running.  When I signed up, I thought surely my endurance is  good enough to run this race.  Then last night, I started to doubt myself.  I even tried to talk myself out of it.  However, this morning the kids and Ricky were up and ready to cheer me on!  The kids even had a fun run after the race.  So, I went.

When I got there I was stretching and thinking harder about my goals for this race.  My first goal was to run the entire time.  When I say run, I mean more like jog as slow as I can without it counting as walking.  My second goal was to do it under 36 minutes.  I am happy to say that my first goal was accomplished!  I ran the whole time!!!  I was so proud of myself because there were definitely times I felt like walking, but I didn’t!  My second goal I came very close, but finished in 36 minutes and 54 seconds.  Close!!!  We won’t mention the mall walker that finished before me with a gimpy leg.  Hey, I said we wouldn’t mention her!!!

As I was running today, my mind wandered.  I prayed a lot throughout my run as I was listening to Ricky’s Ipod.  He has a little shuffle that I steal borrow from time to time.  My run today reminded me a lot of our journey in life.  I thought about the hills that felt like they would never end.  My legs burned and my breathing was labored.  Then the wind would kick up and try and push me back down the hill.  I just closed my eyes and pushed harder.  Then when I got to the top of each one, it was a victory!  I made it even though I thought I couldn’t do it. 

Then there were the downhill runs!  Oh, how I love to run downhill.  The Lord blesses us with the prize of getting to the easy part after the hard part is finished.  The wind was picking up from behind and giving me a little boost. 

Then there were stretches that were flat road that I felt like I could go on forever!  My speed picked up and the wind was nonexistent.  I could feel the sun shining on my face and all was good.

So, how does this relate to my life!  Well, this week was an uphill battle for me.  I could feel everything and anything trying to push me back down.  I struggled with making it through.  My mind was losing the battle just as my body was losing today.  But, no matter how much it hurt, I went on.  I pushed through.  I made it!  I’m just praying that this week the Lord will bless me with a downhill run because I so deserve it after this week =)  Just kidding!!!

The point is that life is full of hills!  You are going to have times when the hill seems neverending.  You can’t even see the top and you wonder what’s the point?  Why keep going?  It would be easier just to walk or stop altogether.  But friends, on the other side of every uphill battle is the downhill run!  It’s a blessing from the Lord for making it through each and every trial.  It may be a little blessing, but look for it!  My blessing today was seeing all three of those smiling faces as I rounded the corner for the finish line!  Cheering me on and letting me know how much they love and care for me! (We won’t mention the mall walker directly in front of me with the gimpy leg.  That might ruin the story!!)

There are also times in life when you are on flat road.  Everything is going great and all is right in your world!  It seems so easy to just keep going.  Enjoy those times!  Take in every moment.  You never know when a hill might come along.  I sure didn’t see the one we were about to run last August.  But those hills make you stronger.  It’s taken me awhile to figure that out, but they do!

The best part about this journey of uphill battles, downhill runs, and flat roads is that you are never alone.  Even when the battle seems never ending, He is always there.  Even when everything seems so difficult, He is holding your hand.  Sometimes that’s the hardest thing to remember.  God will test our faith but it’s only to make us stronger!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything

James 1:2-4

Just as surely as He is with us when we are facing trials, He is also with us when we are running downhill.  He loves to bless us!  He loves to reward us for a job well done.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings today!  It’s amazing what the Lord can put in your head when you have 36 minutes and 54 seconds with no one but Him!

Blessings for a beautiful weekend!

PS  Round 5 of chemo is officially done!!!!  7 more to go!!!

Cardboard Testimony

Most of you know that Ricky and I participated in the cardboard testimonies at our church on Easter Sunday.  I didn’t get to see it until today and it is amazing.  That’s all I’m going to say about it, I’ll let you see for yourself…

In Awe of God’s Greatness

Let me start off by giving you the wonderful news… Ricky’s MRI was clean!!!  His bloodwork looked good and they continue to be amazed by how well he is doing!  Whew!  I am glad that is over =)

Walk For Life

There is an amazing Community Pregnancy Center that our church does a lot of work with that is having a fundraiser walk on April 25.  Unfortunately, I will be unable to attend because of a prior commitment, so I wanted to support my friend Melissa that will be walking! 

The money raised will be going to help fund the center for the upcoming year.  It is Christian based and works a lot with teen mothers and unwed mothers.  One of the coolest aspects of the center is a mentor program that they have for young moms to be.  Each young mom to be is placed with a mentor that is with them throughout their entire pregnancy and birthing process.  That person is there to encourage and guide these young girls. 

I can only imagine what a scary time it would be to be young and pregnant and have no one to help out.  For some of these girls the easy way out would be abortion.  The pregnancy center gives these girls hope.  They give them guidance.  They give them a chance to make the best out of a scary situation.

Please help me support this amazing center that helps these girls choose life!  Please support the Walk For Life!

Checks can be made out to Community Pregnancy Center.  All donations are tax deductible, so please make sure to make a note of any donation that  you make.  You can send  your check to me (leave a comment if you need my address)  and I will make sure that my friend Melissa receives it. Leave a comment and let me know you’re on board!  Please send it out no later than April 17 since I will have to get the money to her before the walk!

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work

2 Corinthians 9:6-8

Indescribable

I came across this video in my archives.  It is a little dark and was actually in a post from the very beginning of my blog.  However, when I watched it again, I knew I had to post it.  I just LOVE watching my baby praise our God.  His little hand raised in worship is just so full of  innocence and praise.  I’m sorry it’s a little dark.  We were in Taiwan and the lighting was horrible. Seriously, our God IS so amazing.   Hope you enjoy this short video… (You may need to turn up your volume)

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