My Load Is Heavy

                                          

I shouldn’t have that much wash on the line to dry.  I knew that as I was hanging it all up there last night at 12:00.  It was my own fault for waiting 2 whole days to do the wash.  The line isn’t that big and the load was great.  Not every piece was heavy.  Sure, my shorts and workout pants were a little heavy, but the kids socks and underwear don’t weigh much of anything.  I don’t know which piece put it over the edge, but it doesn’t matter.  The one thing may have been small, but it made the line snap.  If I had done little bits at a time, the load wouldn’t have been so heavy.  If I had lessened the load, the line wouldn’t have snapped.  Fast forward to today…

My load is heavy.  I am in Taiwan where no one speaks much English.  I have two children that I must make sure are happy and safe.  I worry about them every day.  Am I keeping things as normal as possible for them?  I know they miss home and friends,  don’t we all?  But, are they making this their home for now and making new friends?  Do they feel safe?  I also worry about Ricky!  I want his life here to be stress free.  His job is to pitch. I don’t want him to worry about the kids or me while he is on the road.  My job is all the other stuff.  Clean clothes, clean kids, clean apartment, happy children, happy husband, pay bills, and the list goes on and on.

These past two weeks have been a great challenge for me.  Out of 12 days, he will have been home for 1 day.  I have been okay for the most part, but we miss him greatly.  The kids are getting testy and pushing me to my limits.  I know that it is hard for Daddy to be gone that long and top it off with being here instead of home.  Not a good combination.  However,  our countdown was almost over and then we would have 5  days off.  Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to though.

Then Lily totally played me today.  She woke up “sick”.  I fell for it.  I told her the story of the little boy who cried wolf and she assured me that she was not like the little boy.  I went through the whole “If you don’t go to school then we go nowhere today.  No swimming, no mall, no park.  Nowhere.”  She agreed and went and laid back down.  45 minutes later she is up and all better.  Too late for school now and I am dreading the rest of the day.  By 1:00 the words I spoke earlier are biting me in the butt.  I want so desperately to take them out of this apartment, but I must stand true to my word.  I hear the whole “We want Daddy.  When will he be home?  He would take us swimming!  He would take us to play.”  Truth be told, I want Daddy too!  I explain the whole countdown and tomorrow is the day.  He will be home and we will have 5 days with Daddy!

Then I get the call.  It is raining in Taitung, and the bus is delayed.  Now, they are in North Taiwan in Taipei and Taitung is a 1 hour 30 minute bus ride.  They leave for the game, just late.  They were to stay the night in Taitung and come home tomorrow afternoon.  Then I get the dreaded call, the game is cancelled.  Not so bad in the grand scheme of things.  Most days, it would just be another rainout and no big deal.  It would be like the little itty bitty sock on the clothes line.  It may be little, but when added with all the other things, it was too much to take.  Today, it sent me over the edge. I snapped just like the laundry line.   I couldn’t take anymore.  He is now not coming home until Sunday night!  That means two whole days with no school as a buffer!  Oh, and the crying when I told the kids.  I wanted to run out of the apartment.  That’s when it hit me.  Why am I trying to carry all these burdens on my own?  God is here to take them from me, I must be willing to surrender them to him.  I let them build up for too long and the littlest thing sent me over the edge.  If I had been surrendering them to him daily and not letting them build up, then the one little thing wouldn’t have been too much to handle. 

I feel badly because when Ricky got to Taipei tonight, I didn’t want to talk.  I explained I am not mad at him, but I didn’t have anything to say.  I now feel so much better and will call him back.  I am not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me, I am telling you this so you will understand that you don’t need to carry the load on your own.  Surrender it to Him.  He wants to lighten your load.

I pray that you will all think of my sad, sad, snapped laundry line when you feel your burden is too heavy to carry.   Just know that if you lay your burdens at the feet of God, he will carry them for you.

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

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